0:00 Hello, Bazaarvoice. So excited to be part of this amazing event. And what a day. Come on, so much focus on trust and authenticity, one of my favorite things, pushing boundaries, listening, showing up, putting customers first, and winning the hearts and minds of the consumer. 0:25 Now, we're going to get a little bit more uncomfortable. So please, go with it. All I need you to do right now is to stand up. 0:36 Are you? Are you ready? Let's do this. [MUSIC PLAYING] All right. 1:19 I'm curious to know who here joined me? Please type in the chat, yes, if you did. And then type no if you didn't. 1:29 And if you are not typing anything, I will take that as a no. But I bet a lot of you did dance, and most of you did. And that's totally fine. 1:39 The idea was to get you out of your comfort zone. And if you didn't, awesome. You've literally just experience what the comfort zone is all about. 1:48 And hopefully, in the next 30 minutes, I'll help you get out of it. So before we get started, and before we talk about comfort zones, and all of that, I want you to try to remember your earliest memory of fear. 2:02 Try to go back in time to when you were two, three, four years old. Do you remember a fear that you had back then? Who here was afraid of the dark, or spiders, or clowns? 2:12 I mean type it in the chat if you can. Because I want to know what was that fear that kept you awake at night when you were just a little boy or a little girl. 2:22 In my case, my earliest memory of fear goes all the way back to when I was three-years-old. And I still remember how terrified I was to walk down the aisle. 2:32 Not as the bride, but as a flower girl, of course. [LAUGHING] You would assume that a three-year-old girl would be delighted to wear a big white puffy dress just like the bride, and throw petals everywhere, right? 2:47 Not me. I was afraid to walk by myself, and not be able to find my mom at the end of the aisle. So at the age of seven, four years after that picture was taken, my parents had a hunch that my shyness was not necessarily emotional. 3:04 So they took me to the doctor and they found out that I couldn't see at all. I needed glasses. For the first seven years of my life, my comfort zone was defined by a 10-foot radius circle that surrounded my mom or my dad. 3:18 So parents in the audience, if you have a really shy kid, take them to the eye doctor. Maybe that's it. So the truth is that we all have a comfort zone. 3:28 And we know it pretty well, because we live there most of the time. We know exactly where it starts, and where it ends. And they are unique to each individual, just like your personality, or your body is. 3:38 So the things that are uncomfortable to me may be things that you can easily do. For example, eating an oyster, which I have to say that I tried, and then I couldn't, so I had to spit it out. 3:51 It was not pretty. And then I had to try the same one again and again. Because for some reason, they're really expensive. And then what about slow rafting? 4:01 Have you ever done that? It's just like regular rafting, but nothing ever happens unless you try to take a selfie. The good news is that comfort zones can change from one day to the other. 4:16 They can expand as we face our fears, or contract as we limit ourselves. And the truth is that for the first two and 1/2 decades of my life, my comfort zone kept shrinking by the second. 4:29 But it's not like I had a terrible childhood because of my fears or nothing like that. Actually, to me, life felt like a checklist that I had to go through according to society's expectations. 4:41 Graduate from high school, check, go to college, check, fine prestigious job, get married, buy a home, have kids, right? I was doing everything I was expected to until it hit me. 4:54 One day I started wondering, who am I checking these boxes for? Who am I truly living for? I see that my parents, my professors, my mentors, they're all certainly happy with my outcome. 5:06 But am I? I can say that I'm comfortable, but can I say I'm generally happy? So a few years ago, I realized that I had two options. 5:16 I could continue checking society's boxes like it was expected of me, or I could have the courage to create my own set of things, and pursue that as well. 5:26 Move to New York, give a Ted Talk, become an entrepreneur, travel the world, write a book, impact others. So I had to start somewhere. 5:34 Moving to New York, that's something I always wanted to do since I was very little, but I never really dared to until a few years ago when I decided to do a master's in branding at the School of Visual Arts. 5:45 And that is when my life started to change. Where would you like to be 10 years from today? Have you thought about? 5:53 That's the question that my professor asked us on the first day of class. She challenged me and the rest of the students to think about our perfect life 10 years from that day. And at that moment, I knew that I was about to have a panic attack. 6:05 I mean, who here has done something like this where you try to plan your life ahead? Well, let me tell you something, it's pretty scary. Because you want to dream big, but not too much. 6:14 You want to sound ambitious, but humble. You start dreaming of a 150-foot yacht. And somewhere down the line, you settle for a freaking kayak. 6:23 You don't want to disappoint future you with the big plans that went nowhere, and then feel like a big failure, right? So I started to write down semi-ambitious things that I thought could make me happy 10 years from that day. 6:35 And I wrote down things like in 10 years after working for some of the best companies in New York, I finally become an entrepreneur. Or I'm working with Adam, my husband, on building a business, whatever it is. 6:47 But we travel a lot together for work, and we love it. We're being invited to speak at companies and events about our accomplishments. And we're buying our first apartment in Manhattan. 6:57 OK. So I wrote my plan in April of 2015. And this is what happened next. In July of that same year, I started my own movement. 7:06 Then in October, I gave my first TEDx Talk. And shortly after, I started receiving invitations to speak at schools, companies, events, and organizations around the world. 7:16 Then in July of the following year, Adam joined me full-time on developing our business. And just a year later, we bought this beautiful apartment in Manhattan. 7:30 OK, now, type in the chat. How much do you like this apartment? One, I hate it. 10, can I move in with you? 7:39 All right. I'm getting a lot of tens. Yes. I'm kidding, guys. This is not really my apartment. This is actually Uma Thurman's apartment. 7:47 [LAUGHING] And for now, we just hang out there at her living room. It's so spacious, right, for New York. 7:56 Well, besides the apartment, we could say that I accomplished most of the things that I wrote down in a matter of months. And as far as the apartment goes, we actually did the opposite. 8:06 We realized we didn't need a place. We were traveling so much from one event to the other that we decided to live nomadic. Basically, we put everything that we own in a storage, and we were just traveling. 8:18 So if you've never thought about planning your life ahead, I highly suggest that you think about it, because it is extremely powerful. But as Jim Carrey says, "You can't visualize things and then go eat a sandwich." 8:31 You kind of need to prove to the universe how much you want the things you envision. And to do so, you need to get uncomfortable. 8:39 So right after writing my plan in April of 2015, the professor asked us to identify one crucial obstacle that could get in the way of our dream life. 8:49 And when I realized that fear was the one thing that could keep me from achieving my dreams, I embarked on a project that changed my life for good. 8:58 It's called the 100-Day Project. And the idea is that you choose one thing that you want to do repeatedly for 100 days in a row. It can be anything, as long as it's something that helps you grow, or improve in some way. 9:10 And I know you started thinking about it, right? So I want to know, what are some ideas that you have now regarding the 100 day project? What is one thing that you would like to work on or improve? 9:20 And there are so many ideas out there. I mean, 100 days of self-love, one of my favorite ones. 100 days of gratitude, 100 days of brands, right? 9:29 100 days of finding balance, or speaking up. So many things out there. In my case, I wanted to become a braver person. 9:38 Not only for myself, but for my family, and for my future kids. I come from a family of World War II survivors, where half of my family were killed by the Nazis in concentration camps. 9:49 So my grandparents were lucky. They were able to escape and start a new life from scratch in Venezuela, where I'm from. But their fears never went away. 9:58 In fact, they were carried from generation to generation. So my mom was raised with lots of fears. And so was I. So when I heard about the 100-Day Project, I knew this was the perfect opportunity for me to go after my fears, break my family's fear chain, and become a braver person. 10:15 So I decided to face 100 fears in a period of 100 days, and document the entire process on YouTube. 10:24 From the smallest things that were limiting my everyday life, to fears I never thought I would be able to conquer. [MUSIC PLAYING] CAROLINE MODARRESSY-TEHRANI: Michelle Poler decided that she was sick of living her life in fear of the unknown and the unexpected. 10:42 So she decided to embrace it. Every day for 100 days, she's pledged to do something that scares her. I'm here with Michelle Poler in Times Square in New York City, where she is living 100 days without fear. 10:55 [NON-ENGLISH] Michelle decided to spend hundreds days for conquering her fears, 100 days. [MUSIC PLAYING] WOMAN: What I really believe that Michelle is experiencing is tapping into her inner strength that was there all along. [MUSIC PLAYING] If you thought that facing those fears was scary, uploading the videos to YouTube, that was the whole fear by itself. [MUSIC PLAYING] [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] Picture this, day 40 of the project. 12:06 I wake up, check my phone, the first thing, I see my face all over the internet, websites all over the world started sharing my story, my project, my videos. 12:17 Not only websites, but celebrities started to share this as well, Ashton Kutcher, Sofia Vergara, Zoe de Chanel, even the rapper, Lil Wayne, thought this was inspiring. 12:26 How cool. But this was not the best part. Shortly after this happened, I started to receive messages from people all over the world saying that thanks to my project, they were inspired to go after their own fears, change their lives. 12:39 And this is something I was not expecting, because I was not trying to inspire anybody. I was just being terrified on camera every single day. 12:48 So I needed to find out what exactly was resonating so deeply with the people that were following the project. And it was day 95 that helped me understand it. 12:57 So day 95, I rent a car. I drive for two hours to a water park where I can safely face my fear of jumping from a high cliff into the water without hitting a rock. 13:08 Because that's not the challenge of the day. It was just jumping. So I went to the place. I went up the hill. It was my turn. I was about to jump. And in that moment, I freeze. 13:19 Ma'am, are you jumping or not? The lifeguard was pretty frustrated. Because it was this huge line of kids eager to run, jump, and make a splash. 13:30 And there I was completely frozen. I kept telling my feet to jump, but they wouldn't listen. Have you ever felt like this, paralyzed by fear? That's how I was feeling. 13:38 And so the lifeguard came back and he was like, dude, even the little kids are jumping. And I'm like, dude, how is that helpful? But then a girl about this height came all the way to the front of the line, and she was terrified just like I was. 13:51 She was shivering, having second thoughts. So she looked at me, like, no way. And I looked at her like, no way. And I was so happy, like yes. I'm not the only one here who was terrified of jumping. 14:00 We can become best friends or something. Then she approaches the edge, takes a deep breath, and she jumps. What the heck? 14:09 I thought we were not jumping together. Not sure what happened here. So I was pretty pissed at first. And then I felt inspired. Because I thought, if she did it, why can't I? 14:20 So I approached the edge one more time. The lifeguard rolled his eyes one more time. I looked down. The girl survived, which is really good news for me. And I started counting, 1, 2, 3, 4, for some reason, and I jumped. 14:34 Yes, that day, I learned the important difference between fearless and brave. 14:42 This takes me back to my days in advertising. Because before becoming a speaker, before facing my fears, I used to be an art director working at an ad agency in Miami. 14:51 And I remember my first boss right out of college, Andrew. He was pretty fearless, and even reckless at times. So his ideas and his ways of doing things would constantly put the team and the agency at risk. 15:02 So we had a really hard time trusting him, looking up to him, and eventually, he got himself fired. That's when I met my second boss, Mark. 15:11 Mark was the complete opposite. He would always go with the safest idea. He avoided confrontation, and he despised change. We all needed Mark at that point. 15:20 But eventually, it was uninspiring to work with someone like that. And now looking back, what I realized is that I had a fearless boss, and then I had a fearful one. 15:29 But what I never had was the opportunity to work with a brave leader, someone who dares to be clear, vulnerable, and transparent, but is also willing to fight for valuable ideas, and welcomes change, someone who despite the fear has the courage to take action, just like that girl in the cliff. 15:49 Because if you think about it, all those little kids jumping fearlessly, I couldn't relate to them, so I was not inspired by them. It was that girl who showed me her fear, and then she showed me her courage, what actually inspired me to take action. 16:02 And that is what I want to encourage you to do. I'm not here to tell you to become fearless leaders, because I know for sure I will never be fearless. 16:11 But I am pretty positive that we can all be brave. And action leaders, brave leaders are those who lead by example mostly when it's hard. 16:22 And now, I literally have 100 stories that I would love to share with you, and not that much time. So let's skip to number 100, my last fear. 16:31 So for this one, I was approached by a pretty big brand in the US, [INAUDIBLE]. They wanted to sponsor my 100th fear. And my first reaction was to be excited and on board, obviously, until I realized they wanted to have me repel down from Rockefeller Center in New York City. 16:50 And I still consider it. I mean, this was a huge opportunity, OK? They were going to turn me into an influencer from one day to the other. My face was going to be everywhere. 16:58 But something deep down didn't feel right. I wanted this last challenge to go beyond a physical fear, and having more meaningful impact. So after much consideration, I decided to decline the brand's offer, and instead, I faced one of my biggest fears, public speaking. 17:14 And I decided to do it a TEDx, so I could share my story with the world, and inspire hundreds of thousands to go after their fears. 17:23 This decision not only marked the beginning of my speaking career, but it showed me the importance of going after the things that feel right in our hearts, not being carried away by what may seem more glamorous. 17:36 So let me take you back to the day when I faced my 100th fear. [MUSIC PLAYING] Right there, my heart was beating so loud. 18:36 I could almost hear it. Could you almost hear it? It was super loud. So at that point, the girl that is walking along with me, her only job was to make sure that I'm doing all right. 18:44 So when she looks at me and smiles at me, like, let's do this, Michelle, it's exciting. And I don't smile back, because I don't want to do this. I am deeply regretting my decision of being on TEDx that day. 18:53 She grabs my shoulders, and she's like, Michelle, sweetie, this will be awesome. I promise. Plus, think about it, what's the worst that could happen? Can you be really honest right now and type in the chat, yes, if you've ever like asked yourself or somebody else this question before. 19:12 Just say yes. I know you have. Worst question ever. I now have like 1,000 negative thoughts running through my head that were not there before. Because I was like, she's right. 19:21 What's the worst that can happen? And then I'm like, wait, what if I freeze? What if I forget my speech? What if I disappoint my family who is in the audience who traveled just for this event? 19:30 What if I embarrass myself? And the worst one, what if I fail? That's when it hit me. How am I supposed to gather the courage that I need if I'm only considering the worst case scenarios? 19:41 It was only when I decided to switch the question around, and I asked myself, Michelle, what's the best that can happen? 19:49 That's when I started to see the possibilities that were hiding behind my fears. And I thought, what if I do a good job? What if I enjoy it? 19:57 What if I make people laugh and engage? What if I make my family or myself proud? What if I actually inspire people in the audience to take action? 20:07 Suddenly, I felt no more fear, only excitement. And that's when I heard the presenter say, give it up for Michelle Poler. And that day, I got my first standing ovation. 20:17 [APPLAUSE] When I first started this project, I thought that the end goal was to eliminate fear, get rid of it. 20:28 But along the process, what I realized is that fear is our ally, and it's there to keep us safe and alive. So we don't want to eliminate fear. But the more we embrace the unknown, the more we allow growth to jump in. 20:42 And the most important thing here is to make sure that we can keep fear in its place, and not let it hold us back from making all of those growth decisions. 20:50 Because the 100-Day Project in my case was only the beginning. But now, instead of perceiving every fear as an obstacle, I choose to see it as an opportunity, an opportunity that can lead us to uncover our next big thing. 21:04 And that is the best that can happen. Now, as a way to better understand my fears, what I did is I divided fear into three categories, universal, cultural, and personal fears. 21:16 Turns out we're all born with a set of universal fears. So does doesn't matter where you're from or how old you are, you're probably afraid of either spiders, needles, or the very popular fear of heights. 21:29 And if you are afraid of one of these, just type in the chat, yes. And you should be, because they can totally kill you. So you have to be very careful when you face one of those fears, OK? 21:39 As we grow, we develop a series of cultural fears that revolve around our need for love and belonging. These are the ones that are screwing us up big time. 21:48 Every culture has its own set of rules and expectations from society. Don't do this. Don't say that. Don't wear that, right? Society creates fears to make us behave in a certain way, and shape our personality to fit its standards. 22:00 So the fear of not belonging, not fitting in, not being loved or accepted are dictating the majority of the choices we make, and the way that we present ourselves to others. 22:10 And I get it. Belonging can be amazing. It's what enables community, friendship, team-building. But if we're not careful, our need to fit in may hurt our authenticity. 22:20 And we live in a time where authenticity is one of the most valuable assets that anyone could have. Which reminds me of a few words from Stephen Pressfield in his book, The War of Art. 22:31 "Our job in this lifetime is not to shape ourselves into some ideal we imagine we ought to be, but to find out who we already are and become it." 22:41 Turns out that when I started speaking, I kept comparing myself to every speaker out there, right? And I thought there was no place for me in this industry. 22:51 I was perhaps too different, right? It was only when I decided to contrast instead of compare that I was able to not find my place, but to create my place. 23:03 Because when we compare ourselves, we get to see what everybody else is doing. When we contrast, we get to see what they're missing. When we compare, we're looking outside, you know, what we should be doing different. 23:16 For example, I should be funnier like her. I should be more musical like him, or more social. I should look more like that. I should have more of that, right? 23:24 The only way to contrast is by looking inside. What are your values? What's your tone? What's your unique selling Proposition what's your trajectory? 23:33 What are your hidden talents? You need all of those questions, that it's just a matter of courage at the end of the day of bringing all the insight out. 23:42 You know what? When we compare ourselves, we become one more. It is only when we contrast that we get to become one-of-a-kind. 23:51 And we're already one-of-a-kind, right? We just need that extra dose of courage and confidence to put ourselves out there the way we already are. 23:59 And now, this takes us to the personal fears, last set of fears, OK? These are closely related to our self-esteem. So in order to feel good about ourselves, we'll limit our growth. 24:10 We hold ourselves back from taking risks, trying new things, and venturing into the unknown, because we know failing is a possibility, one that we don't want to be held accountable for. 24:21 But after embracing this new lifestyle where daring is not my first choice, what I've learned is that the enemy of success is not failure. 24:29 Can you guess what it is? It's actually comfort. Comfort is what keeps us from innovating. It convinces us to settle for what we have instead of fighting for the things that we deserve. 24:42 Comfort begs us to look down at our phones instead of sparking a conversation with a person sitting right next to us. And it tells us things like, good things come to those who wait. 24:52 But as the Davinci put it, "People of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things." 25:01 Which takes me through my day 101, the day the project finally ended. I already faced my 100th fear, delivered my speech. 25:10 Now what, right? People started asking me. And I had no idea. I mean, I thought about going back to my job in advertising. But I quit on YouTube. Terrible idea, don't try that. 25:19 And then Adam came. He's like, Michelle, what if you continue building this movement? You turn it into something bigger, and then you make this your job. What if you could inspire people for a living? 25:29 Suddenly, I started to go through this roller coaster of emotions. And I hate roller coasters. [SCREAMING] Do you see how miserable I was that day, and how happy Adam was? 25:43 He's holding a camera on a roller coaster and he's still happy. And then that other guy, I mean, he was like super happy. Have you ever been in between two choices, and the one you actually want is the scariest one? 25:55 That is what was happening. So my first choice, going back to my job, or a similar job was a choice based on safety, fear, comfort. 26:04 But starting a movement from scratch, that was a choice based on progress and growth. Life will always give us options. 26:12 Some will take us back into our comfort zones. Others will challenge us, but help us grow. The important thing here is to identify which one is the growth option, and choose that one, despite the fear that it may bring. 26:25 So this is what I want to ask you today. What is your next growth move? What is that one thing you've been wanting to do for such a long time, and for some reason, you've been holding back on doing so. 26:36 What I learned is that the more uncomfortable we get, the greater the reward. It was only when I got really uncomfortable and decided to commit to this project full-time that I started to see a real impact. 26:48 Something that started as a school project turned into my purpose, a social mission that is encouraging people all over the world to say hello to their fears. 26:57 And I would love for you to be part of this movement. [MUSIC PLAYING] Hey Michelle, my name is Marcin, and I'm from Poland. 27:11 My name is Evelyn. Jason Silva. Hey, it's Chris Guillebeau. And I'm from everywhere. I faced the fear of writing to a girl with whom I haven't spoken to for a very long time. 27:21 I faced my fear. Traveling solo, a three month trip. Fear of rejection. Like I'm not good enough. My fear of birds. Skydiving. Cliff To get this pixie haircut. 27:31 Dance like nobody's watching. Starting over at 29-years-old. Following my passion, pursuing my bliss, living within the confines of my inspiration, and somehow trusting that things will work out in the end. 27:47 The biggest fear that I faced is living alone all by myself, with my own thoughts. And it's felt amazing. [MUSIC PLAYING] You're doing it. You're doing it. 28:03 [MUSIC PLAYING] It felt terrific. Awesome. I feel passionate. Beyond amazing. And I feel free. Fantastic. [MUSIC PLAYING] I learned to love myself as I am. 28:28 Now it's time for my big fears. MICHELLE POLER: Now, I want to take you back to this slide from the beginning. 28:36 We could say that I moved to New York, I gave a TEDx talk, became an entrepreneur, which led me to travel the world, impact others. 28:44 And finally, we have a Hello Fears book available with all of the tools on how I actually got where I am today. 28:54 And the reason I'm showing you this is because do you see what this means? I need to write new boxes. I checked all of my bugs. 29:03 And so we both have homework to do. I want you to start thinking about your boxes as well. What are the things that you would love to accomplish for yourself, not to fit in, not to please, not to belong, not to impress, but for yourself? 29:18 The real question here is, what would you get uncomfortable for? What are those things you care so much about you're willing to get uncomfortable to make them happen? 29:29 And now, before I forget, and before we end this presentation on a really high note, I want you to get all of my slides. 29:37 So if you want to receive an email immediately right now with all of my slides, please make sure to go to these QR code, fill out your information. 29:46 Not only that, but for the first time I'm going to be doing this, I want to give away two-- I have them here-- literally these two. I will sign them and send it to you. 29:56 If you want to participate to win one of these also, you just have to sign up. And we'll choose two lucky winners. And I'll email you that as well. 30:05 Take a picture of this if you haven't done it, because we need to move on to the last thing we're doing today, OK? Last thing, I need you all to stand up. You know what's coming, right? 30:15 You totally know. I know what's coming. Now, we are going to dance together. Are you ready for this? And if you feel courageous enough, you can post this on social media, tag HelloFears, tag Bazaarvoice. 30:27 And we would love to see how you dance. So are you ready? Come on, everybody, let's do this. One, two. [MUSIC PLAYING] Thank you, everybody. 31:11 Have an amazing rest of your day. Thank you Bazaarvoice for having me. And I'll see you next time. Bye.
